Nothing Yet.

No word today. Today almost felt like a regular day. I was so busy I hardly had time to think about it. Plus, the calls are being routed to Ethan first so I don't have to stress every time the phone rings. We have a plan for results: If it's nothing, he calls. If it's something minor, he calls. If it's something we have never heard of, he researches it, then calls. If it's anything serious, he may do some research and then would call while he's driving home (he'd take the rest of the day off). Hopefully, some results will be coming in tomorrow - no matter what they are.

And, it looks like I was wrong about scaring. Really, it was kind of crazy to think he wouldn't have a large scar. It'll fade though. And I don't really care. I have a ton of scars, it's no biggy. Phoenix has my skin tone and I scar really badly. It is healing nicely. Phoenix's grandma said it looks like a caterpillar! Stitches come out on Friday though!

Worse than the two week wait...

I called the doctor this morning. I left three different numbers so that we know we'll get the results we are waiting for. Plus, I was to direct the calls to Ethan if possible. The nurse said that the doctor wouldn't be in until 4PM though so, even if there are results today, we wouldn't hear about them until the end of the day.

Random Late Night Thoughts

I am starting to get very nervous and anxious for the test results. I wish there was a way to fast-forward. I can kill myself reading information on the internet - all of it tells stories that make me feel queazy. Seriously, google some keywords like - hard, lump, lymph node, cluster, neck, etc. I keep going back to how it just can't be cancer - it can't. The thought of my son, a 2 year old, having cancer is completely insane. 
Geez, I was doing so good until the doctor told us about the cluster of lymph nodes he removed. "Two large ones and a bunch of smaller ones" I haven't done any research on lymphoma because - well, what's the point? No matter what, I still have to wait for results. 
I've been searching for something online which will get rid of this sick feeling in my stomach - I need to find a story about someone who has had a surgical biopsy on their lymph nodes (actual lymph nodes, not lipomas or cysts) and they were over 1cm, hard, stationary and in a cluster. But, here's the catch, I need the story to not end in a cancer diagnosis.
Phoenix's two largest lymph nodes were around 2cm. All were hard and were clustered together in a mass.
They were slow growing though - I'm holding onto that hope. The first one appeared over 2 years ago and it was probably only ⅓ cm, most lymphomas grow SO rapidly. And, he's so young. Pediatric Lymphoma is super rare.
Ethan is convinced he's got cancer. He says that I'm starting to annoy him by saying that it still could be nothing.
When Phoenix was a year old he got a high temperature for 5 days. We had no idea why so the doctor ordered a bunch of tests. They saw a part of his lung that was unclear and they thought it might be pneumonia, the radiologist cleared it though. It turned out Phoenix just had rosela. Now I think back to that unclear spot and wonder if that could be cancer. Phoenix has had a shallow dry cough for months now that we just decided it was allergies - it's not all the time. God, what if he actually has cancer?

Battle Wounds

I cleaned Phoenix's wound today. There was purple marker all over him so I got al that off. The incision is nearly 2 inches and he has 7 stitches. It looks perfect though and I don't think it'll scar badly. 

He hates his pain meds. He says they are "too yucky." So we are mixing them in with food and juice. You can tell he's in pain when he's not on them. 

It is really hot here and it would have been perfect swimming/sprinkler weather but we can't risk getting his neck wet. Instead, we filled up a baby pool with a few inches of water and he got to play with his sister in it. After a day in the sun and playing, he was tired and totally worn out. He took about 4 hour nap and is in a pretty miserable mood now. Poor kid.

Heather, Ryan & Sage - Thank you so much for thinking of us. Phoenix was so thrilled to get mail!

Lump-Free!

Phoenix's surgery is complete and he's doing fantastic. 

We woke up at 5AM and packed everything up and went to the day surgery clinic. The awesome guy at the front desk gave all four of Phoenix's stuffed animals ID brace

lets complete with their names. We waited in the reception area for a bit and then were transfered into a different waiting area where nurses were checking blood pressures and anesthesiologists were consulting with patients. I was a bit chilly - maybe from the temperature, maybe from nerves - and a nurse asked if I was cold. I told her I'm fine, that I'm probably just nervous. Then, I overheard another mother tell her husband, "She's nervous, we've done this so many times. The doctor has done 4 of our other kids." Her child was getting tubes. Now, I would be nervous about any surgery but a cervical lymph node biopsy is a bit more worrisome - not really for the surgery per say, but the outcome. 

So, after all the general tests were preformed, they took Phoenix back - screaming his head off. We sat in the waiting room for about 45 minutes when the doctor came out and talked to us. He told us that everything went great. The lumps were right near the nerve that runs from your neck to your shoulder and controls the up/down shoulder movement. So, although it was a bit tricky to work around, they were able to remove all the lumps. They were lymph nodes unfortunately, two were larger (¾" in diameter each) and then there were a "bunch" of smaller ones. Apparently the nurses commented saying the the doctor rarely does biopsies on kids this little but, once Phoenix was open, and they saw the lumps, they understood why. 

There was really nothing that he could tell us about what he thought they could be. He wouldn't even guess. The samples are being sent to two different labs and are being tested for everything under the sun. While, infection related results could be back as soon as tomorrow, the test that takes the longest is the final (and most accurate) cancer test. We were told we should get periodic updates from the doctors nurse over the next week, as the tests come in. From what I understand though, most benign masses are diagnosed at the time of surgery. There are still a lot of other things it could be, aside from cancer of course.

The wound is covered but the incision is about an inch I believe - maybe 2? And he has one continuous stitch which is being removed next Friday. The wound has to stay covered for 48 hours.

When he woke up, we got to go back and see him. He was not happy. With an IV, immobilized arm, bandage on his neck, swollen face in pain and in a strange place - he was freaking out. I think the nurses just wanted to get him out of there - they knew he'd be more comfortable at home. Plus, he was very loud.

So, they pumped him full of pain meds, gave him a popsicle and a bit of juice and sent us on our way. 

Phoenix is doing really well at home. Besides being a bit puffy and having marker and sticky marks from tape all over his shoulder and chest - he is doing fantastic. He's running around and acting like normal. I think the pain meds help, though he's pretty tired and won't take a nap. He sounds awful too - really raspy from the breathing tube. I really want to see the incision and I'm super excited to feel it with no lumps! I am just so happy they were able to take all the lumps out! Now we just have to wait for results. 

The time has come...

We have to be at the hospital by 7AM tomorrow. Surgery is at 8AM. I've spent the day getting things ready for Phoenix. There is a special bed in Ethan and my room for him and I made two kinds of Jell-O and fresh, homemade apple juice. We went out to a nice dinner tonight. Just preparing and talking. We know that this could all be nothing but we also know that tomorrow could be the beginning of a very rocky road. I made a check list of all the things we need to bring and we are ready to go. I had ordered some hospital clothes from Build-A-Bear but they aren't hear yet, they'll probably be here tomorrow. I was hoping Bunny and Teddy could go into surgery wearing their scrubs. Ethan is writing in his personal journal tonight - a very rare occasion. I'll update tomorrow night. I have this hope that, after the surgery, the doctor will come out and say, "When we went to do a biopsy we saw that the lymph node looked completely normal" or "It's definitely a cyst, no worries" - and I really hope they are able to take all the lumps out. Wish us luck. 

Nearly there...

Phoenix is all registered at the hospital. They called yesterday for all the insurance stuff and today for medical history. The nurse today was super nice. She asked why Phoenix wasn't having a needle biopsy and, when I told her our doctor told us that Hodgkin's doesn't show up on a needle biopsy I got one of those, "Oh... oooooh, oh" And, incase you can't read my mind - thats a regular oh, like I heard you, then an oooooh like oh my, now I understand and then an oh like, aw, that's sad. We talked about the foods he can eat after and a little of what to expect. Tomorrow I just have to call and find out our surgery time. 

Today I also spoke with a woman online who's daughter is a cancer surviver. She told me, the worst her daughter ever looked was after her first biopsy - her eyes were puffy and red from the tape they use to keep them closed, her face was all swollen from fluids, etc. It was really good to hear that because I had no idea and I probably would have freaked if I saw him like that. She also told us that the biopsy results could take a week to get back. 

It still could be a swollen lymph node...