Phoenix's point of view

I can't think of the words to write this. I can't even say it out loud really. Ethan and I haven't talked to anyone (besides our drs and my parents and BIL and SIL)... but Phoenix has cervical lymphadenopathy (lumps in his lymph nodes in his neck). Actually, he's had it for over 2 years and, in the last year, it has tripled in size. He's been referred to a specialist but, from everything we've discussed and studies, it's probable that he has cancer. What is really working in our favor is that he's had the lump for a long time with no other symptoms. But we also don't know what other symptoms could be manifesting like. For example, he's really small (26lbs 34½"), sure, he could just be small, or he could have something else going on. Also, because the lump has been there for a long time and that it has grown almost positively rules out lymphadenopathy due to colds or infections. Ethan and I are pretty scared but we can't get ahead of ourselves, he has an appt on May 1st with a specialist but we are trying to get him in sooner. I just wanted you all to know what was going on. With all this happening right now I'm having a really hard time focusing on anything else. 
I've had a bad day today but then I stepped back and looked at it from Phoenix's point of view... he's seeing an oncologist, going to a special ed play group where his favorite kid is leaving on Wed., his therapist wants him to have more therapy, and mom told him that he now has to eat all meals at the table and that there is no TV after 11A until after dinner but by the time he gets done picking at his food, it's bedtime. My poor little guy. I've had a bad day too though. You know how you imagine your life different than it turns out to be? That's what I'm experiencing today.